Sunday, June 8, 2008

A rush of memories...


Today during our sacrament meeting at church I had a small personal revelation. I am still a little unsure if I understand it. It was very strong and brought on very strong emotions. I then began to think of the revelation I had when Ben was blessed I heard a voice saying you are supposed to have another baby and that sweet baby ended up being our William so of course he was strong on my mind. Then I was caught of guard when I was asked to share with the Young women in the beehive class how it felt to loose William and how was able to come to have some peace knowing Where he is and that I will get to be with him again. (Witch is always a double sided sward) Then tonight I was looking in my closet for some batteries for my camera when I spotted Williams special box with all his keepsakes. I was over come with emotion when I opened this little box of memories. His little outfits, his lock of hair , his foot prints, spechale pictures and a few little notes that people gave me after his death. I always love rembering William and most of the time when I think of him I only feel happiness I rarely feel pain any more. Yet today It was painful to look at all his things . When I smelt his little outfit I could faintly still smell his wonderful smell. My arms did something they haven't done in a while they ached with almost as much pain as my heart dose. I miss and love you William.

10 comments:

Jill said...

Oh Jenn! Hugs to you!

Elise said...

Oh Jen!! You are so much stronger than most of us could ever be! How hard is must have been to go through all this. I feel for you. Hugs from CA!

CathyJean said...

Dear Jenn,
Grief is a impossible thing to understand. As time goes by it changes forms and moods, but it never really goes away.
It has been quite a few years since I went through the death of a husband and I have moved on with my life (even remarried), but grief still will strike in the oddest times or ways.
Remember that there is always grace for the moment when you need it, just let go and let God take your burden! Sometimes life has to be lived "moment by moment". I don't understand all the "whys?" but I know the One who does and I know He loves you!
I'm praying for you tonight.
Hugz,
Cathy

In transition said...

Jen,

I don't know what to say - what you wrote was so touching. We love you guys !


The Nolans

Karla Smith said...

Awwwwh! Jennifer,
Hugggggs my Dear! Yes we don't have all the answers, but I do know that one day we will. Grief is a healthy part of our Healing process, and we do take it one day at a time. You are a very strong Woman, You touched my Heart as I read this. I will be praying for you tonight as well.
Karla

Meg Giroux said...

Jenn....big hugs your way....I am so sorry...you are such a strong, beautiful woman...my prayers are with you.

shaina said...

Not many can go through what you did. You are amazing. William was right there huggin you, I'm sure.

Hilde Janbroers said...

I have no words for your touching story...just wanted to say I give you a big hug!!!

Ter said...

((JEN))

I'm going through many of the same emotions as you. I don't know if it's because my daughter's anniversary is coming up shortly or what... but yeah... I've been on quite an emotional rollercoaster lately. It does help to know I'm not the only one...

Thinking of you and your sweet william....

val said...

I don't even know you but I know you held an angel for a short while. Sometimes they go home sooner instead of later. William went home sooner but he is still with you and always will be as long as you have the strength to open that box and look inside.....
prayers are coming tonight.....