Sunday, October 10, 2010

Stop the Bulling

Yesterday I read a beautiful letter my cousin wrote about being bullied as a a teenager as a result of such bulling she dropped out of high school. A few hours after I read her letter Dale got called out with the troopers on a death call of a young man who committed suicide just weeks be for his 14th birthday.  Dales a trooper Chaplin when he got back I asked if this young man taking his life had anything to do with bulling he replied yes. My heart broke in two for this young man and his family. My heart brakes for all the victims of bulling. I ask that each one of you who read this to teach your children and the youth and children you have in contact with to be kind and loving to each other, to not tolerate or go along with the crowed and defend those who may be being bullied. I end this post with the letter my cousin wrote I hope each of you will be as touched as I was by her words.

A message to the bullied from a bullying Epona Ack on Friday, 08 October 2010 at 12:47

No one knows my tale of whoa, but the people who were part of it. I don't like to dwell in it and I never wanted pitty furr it. Infact I learned to pitty the people who were cruel to me. Had no one ever shown these kids what love is? Had no one ever given them a reason to love themselves?
I always have said I dropped out of school because I was depressed. Which is true. I just leave out why. I was bullied. Relentlessly, without help from adults even when I sought out their help.

After one physical assualt in the locker room in which a girl shuved me into the lockers so hard you could make out where the numbers on the dial were in my bruise. I got dressed and went to the principle's office to report the assualt. The Vice Princ is who had time to listen so she got sttuck with me. I told her my story and she called the girl into the office, and than left us to "talk it out alone." I protested, "She just assualted me and you want to leave me alone in the room with her?!?!"

She just smiled and left.


"What did I ever do to you?" I asked.
"What?!?! You are always giving me cruisties in english class!" she said with an offended look.

"What is a cruisty?"

"You always give me dirty looks." she said as she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't even know you were in my english class. How could I give you dirty looks when I don't even know you are there?"

"I don't know."

"Where do you sit?"
"By the window."
I chuckled, "I wasn't giving you dirty looks! I was daydreaming and you sit between me and the window! I am like a zombie in english."
"So the pushing me in the hall and in the locker room, the name calling, it is all because you thought I didn't like you?"
"But I don't know anything about you. How could I not like you? And why is violence the answer?"
"I guess it is my wall that I put up."
"Why do you need a wall? You're one of the most popular girls in school?"
"I just don't feel that people will like me. So I block them out."
"You do see how that is just a way you make sure people won't like you."
"Well, they weren't going to anyways."
"You don't know that. But you manifest it."
"I guess I do."
That was the only time that I felt resolution. And I think she did, too. Even though she recieved no punishment furr her assualt.I got an apology and she started smiling when she saw me in the hall rather than shuving me with her shoulder. Her friends still had it out furr. Atleast the boys did.
She taught me to pitty my aggressors. She showed me that a cruel human is nothing more than a soul in pain and fear. People who love themselves are not cruel. People who put up a strong front are ussually very scared and weak. They don't know what love is or how to share it. They will always presume the worst. A girl daydreaming with a blank look must be giving them a dirty look because that is what they deserve. They feel so little that belittling another person is the only way they know how to stroke their ego. "If they are less I must be more." This boost is only tempary and small so they have to keep refilling their perscription. A never ending loosing battle.
We shouldn't loose sight that both the bully and the bullied are in pain.
If you are bullied I would like to tell you, THIS IS NOT GROUNDS TO END YOUR LIFE! High school really sucks. But it is not how the rest of your life will play out. You may feel the pain is without end. Only if you commit suicide will this will be true. Because when you end your life you give that pain to everyone that loves you. To carry the rest of their lives, ten fold.

One of the best ways I have found to let the negative roll off is to not let the words of others' define me. I may have dropped out because I couldn't listen to their hate anymore, but I didn't let it define me. I define me. My actions define me. I had a passion furr horses that defined me than.
True I felt than that no humans would ever except me. I sat on hill tops crying so hard I made fists that dug my nails into my palms and drew blood. But I was wrong. I have more furrends now than I would have ever thought possible. People who see me furr who I am and love it all. The good and the bad. 15 years out and when I think back at all I would have missed if I would have ended it all back in high school. It actually makes me laugh!

Be strong. Be brave. And know that your aggressors are weak and scared, too. There is an end to this torment, and ending your life is just not the answer. I give this message to both the bully and the bullied.


Tulsi said...

My son was bullied in 4th grade. Only it was the teacher who started it. When we talked to the principal he asked us if we wanted to change classes. We told him it was to late. All the kids in his grade thought it was ok. I volunteered in the school for one reason or another and was there at random times every single day. I stopped by his class many times. I would even call him out sometimes to see how things were. His teacher tried to correct it, but when you give 4th graders permission to be mean, they are going to run with it. We moved when Kass was in 5th grade. Mikele was bullied by 2 teachers. A 4th and 5th grade teacher. The principal stood up for them. I documented every detail until one of them was not even allowed to speak to her. She had one girl who was huge compared to my small around kids call her anorexic. I went in and told the principal that if she can be expelled for calling the girl fat, the other girl should be expelled for calling her anorexic. He wanted the girls to talk it out. I said no unless I was there. It was put into the rules that you could call anyone anorexic or other demeaning names. Brie was bullied by drill team and cheer coaches. I didn't let her try out her senior year. The school knew I was not letting her think that behavior was normal and get into a bad relationship. Her cheer coach in college was great. There have been peers here and there, but my kids have had adults. We document a lot. Mikele was bullied by one girls sister once on a chat thing. I started running off copies of what was being said. When it ended, I drove to her house where she was living with her grandmother. When the girl opened the door, she just melted in the floor. Her grandma was not happy with her. I'm not confrontational, but I had proof on paper. I didn't need to confront. I was active in Drill and cheer and all of the clubs in high school and didn't get bullied that I recall. I did when I was in elementary school because I was skinny and my dad is American Indian. One girl in our high school class was tormented. We tried so hard to get the other kids to stop. Now she is on fb and the kids who tormented her are friends. She is the sweetest person. I always wondered what had happened to her. We live pretty close. She wants to go do a Session and have lunch. We just haven't matched up yet. I don't take bullying lightly. Before Kass was in 4th grade, he'd open the house door wide and it was like "here I am world". Before the end of the year it was like, "do I have to do this again.". I asked the principal who lived in another town why he didn't transfer his kids to this school. he had a 4th grader. It was famous for being bad. About my son's Senior year, we had my Kass back. But it took a LONG time. He wouldn't trust a teacher. We explained a lot when a teacher would say "just have him come and talk to me".

Tulsi said...

Sorry so long, bullying gets me going. I did a whole post about it once.