Thursday, February 19, 2009

I wonder what he would look like?

Madie, Robbie, Ben, Garret and I were sitting around the dining room table last night when Madeline said "why could we only keep William for 2 weeks?"

I answered because that was the amount of time he needed to be on earth.

Madeline said: well I dont like that answer.
Robbie said: Madie we don't have to like the answer thats just the way it is.
Garrett said: well at least we had him for 2 weeks.
Madeline said: ya guess that should make us happy, but it just makes me sad.
Madie then said: I wonder what he would look like?
Would he still be a baby?
Robbie answered: no Madie he would be 3.
Ben said: 3 years old I am 4 years old Williams just a baby he cant be 3 years old.
Garrett said: I wonder if his eyes would have turned green like mine when I turned 3.
I just sat there and listened to to there sweet conversation about there little bother. It was interesting how healthy it all was.
So many times when a death of a loved one comes up people try to change the subject.
I have always wondered why?
Is they they think they are helping ?
Or is it because they them selves aren't ok with death?
I just don't know I am just glad that my children feel comfortable expressing how they miss there little brother.
I too wonder what William would look like as a 3 year old .
I have often wondered as well would he still have blue eyes or would they be green like Garrett's.
I also wonder if what color his hair would be.
What kind of personality he would have and the list goes on.



Diana Kat said...

I love the way children think so purely. I wish we retained that quality as adults, I think the world would be a nicer place. I can't imagine the pain you and your family went through, but the Grace present in your lives is obvious. Beautiful post.

Diane said...

more proof that maybe everything really is ok. you know, in the world. i love the way you've taught your children to love. :)

Nicole said...

Kids are so innocent. That is good that they remember thier little brother.

Ter said...


Jen, I, unfortunately, can relate.

I know my daughter's eyes would be blue because both her daddy and I have blue eyes. But his was BLUE BLUE BLUE and mine are more grey-blue.

I wonder what color her hair would be. Mine was very blonde as a small child, my husband's was light brown. Both of us grew into darker hair, though mine is still blonde, just dark blonde. His was dark brown.

I know she had my husband's chin-dimple, and he was certain her nose was the same as his, because being so small, her nose seemed fullsize and my husband always thought he had a big nose.

I wonder if she would be tall like I was at age 3. I was very tall for my age until I stopped growing and now I'm short.

Usually, when I look at photos of our neice, I think my daughter would have looked alot like her, for B's family all seem to look alike.

*sigh* I miss my bears.

sorry for the ramble! I just wanted you to know I understand. I wish William was with you too.

Rayna said...

Death. It depends on how close my relationship was with the lost member. It also depends on who I'm talking to and what about that person.
Mostly it depends on my day if it's a good day I can talk without getting upset but if I've had a rough day I'll probably just burst into tears!

Jennylou's Projects said...

"I too wonder what William would look like as a 3 year old .
I have often wondered as well would he still have blue eyes or would they be green like Garrett's.
I also wonder if what color his hair would be.
What kind of personality he would have and the list goes on."

I wonder the same thing about our Andrew who would be four this year. Hugs.

Martha (aka Yvette) said...

I do love how your children talk so lovingly and open about there brother.

My brother who was born Nov 1 passed away after being on this earth for 7 days, my mom always tells me that the minute she found out she could start trying again for another baby she did. I was born exactly one year and 20 days later NOv 21, My mom only had one picture of him and he was a handsome little guy I wonder what he would look like now at 45.

thanks for sharing...

Kerri said...

You're children are so great at expressing their feelings! I bet he would be adorable and preciuos!

Wep said...

That is so wonderful that they can have conversations like that. It took a long time before we could talk about my dad like that. Hugs!!!

RatalieNose said...

I love talking to my nieces and nephew about Heaven. Their little sister is due any day now so one day we had a chat about how their little sis (Madeliene, funny enough) is watching them and is so excited to be apart of their family! Kids are the best!

princessmama said...

Death is hard to talk about too close to the pain. Yet, it can be healthy too. We lost a little one in the womb three years ago Feb 15. It was so incredibly painful i literally don't know how anyone survives the loss of an infant they have seen and held in their arms. Yet i do know...I know that God would be there for me just the same as He always is. Thank you for sharing this story:-)

Soon after our loss my oldest son, then 5 yrs old drew a picture of an angel with a baby in it's arms "to remind us where our baby is" It was so lovely to hear and see that peaceful reminder from my son. Our baby would have been 2 1/2 and I, too, wonder what he/she would have looked like. How our family would have been so different with a third child.

Anonymous said...


Yarni Gras! said...

The openness you have in your household is so evident in the questions your children ask. They are so blessed to have a mom like you. William will always be beautiful...just the way God made him...and he is so fortunate to have a family that loves him so very much.

Elise said...

What a great example of how we all should approach life and trials!!! So pure, loving, and supportive. We should all learn from their examples. The world is a better place because of William and your kids.

shaina said...

I think about William too, everytime George does something she's never done before, or listening to her soft baby voice...imagining them them doing the same things. Love ya.

Bee and Rose said...

Children speak with such grace about the passing of our loved ones:) What a moving post:) Thank you for sharing it with us.

I'm Always Rite said...

Your kids are amazing! I know William will be just as amazing when you get to see hime again. :)

Kimberlee said...

Thinking of you. I too wonder what Indigo would look like now. She would be two.

Aunt Pitty Pat's said...

Jenn even after 35 years I wonder what my sweet neice would look like. Our little Etta Kay was three days old when she went to be in the loving arms of our lord. She was only 1 pound 8 ozs with the cutest little fingers, sweet little heart shaped face and the fullest head of beautiful curly auburn hair. She was and is our little angel. I know one day I will get to see her again and get the spend all eternity with her.
Jennifer you have an amazing family that can sit and talk so openly about their love for their sweet brother William. You should be very proud that you as a mom, are doing everything right. Especially when we as your followers read stories like this one :0)
Big hugs as I know you miss him!!!

Supercool Hotmama said...

About 15 years ago our good friend's daughter was killed. She was 5 and had an identical twin sister. I've always thought what a double-edged sword that would be. Almost like watching her grow up, knowing what she'd look like and what she might be doing, and yet not having her there.

I love how their different perspectives show in their conversation. How 4 yo can't picture him growing up yet :) It's so good that they are comfortable talking about your sweet William!

WheresMyAngels said...

Wow, he was so beautiful.

I think it is wonderful your children can talk about it and think about him. I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry he couldn't of been with you longer. A friend of mine's daughter had Edwards Syndrome also. She was on this earth for approximately two weeks also.