Friday, January 7, 2011

365 Days {Day 7 }

Last night I was going looking at old photographs and came upon this one of William
and My sister Crystal.
Photobucket
{Memory lane}
(I normally take a picture on the day I post my 365 but decided to use an old one this time, my game my rules right {snicker  snicker} enjoy my walk down memory lane)
I love this picture it makes me smile every time I see it.
I love that his eyes were open.
It was rare that he had them open for long but when he did I loved gazing in to them.
I also love how this picture shows details of the shape of his head.
The medical world calls his head a strawberry shape when describing a Trisomy 18 baby.
I never could understand what the medical journals meant until he was born and sure enough the way his soft spot was shaped and h the way his is jaw line was defined and the way his chin was pointed made his head look like a sweet little strawberry.
He also had no cartilage in his ears they were just flaps of skin.
The medical world called them cauliflower ears never figured that one out.
I just loved them.
I loved every part of him.
In the 17 days that he was alive he was always in someones arm.
I remember one time I put him in his bassinet so I could change clothes and he made all sorts of noise.
He did not like being away from me.
In fact when ever any one else would hold him if I spoke he would open his eyes to see where I was.
Even tho he never spoke a word to me his spirit spoke to me often.
It hard to explain but we use to have unspoken conversations all the time.
In those moments I new our spirits connected and we could speak to one another with out words.
That was the hardest part for me when he died, the loss of his spirit the loss of his companionship.
I am for ever great full for the time we got to spend together I know what a gift it was.I also know that we will be together again this unwavering knowledge has sustained my tru my darkest hours.
I really Miss William yet in these last five years of him being gone I have learned so much things I would have never known if he was still here.
I often try and weigh if the knowledge was worth his loss and the answer is always no, but the knowledge keeps me going and definitely has made me stronger.

With these last words I will end my walk down memory lane.



2 comments:

Christine Jargick said...

I took a peek at the Trisomy 18 Foundation web page and looked at the tribute pages. So many beautiful and heartbreaking stories! I was glued but I had to close the page cuz I cannot cry at work ;-)

Have you seen my post from Jan 2? I totally described you, I wanted to give credit for the 365 project but couldn't remember your blog. I have edited the page now and am following you so I won't forget again.....I know that its only day 7 but its fun!

NadineC said...

Jenn - William looks wise beyond his years (days).....like an old soul.