OK so I am in a little bit of a pissy mood(oops i said a naughty word)
The last 8 months have been great I have had no depression and very little grief and then BOOM like a bomb they come exploding into my life ONCE AGAIN...
i HATE IT!!!! I HATE IT i HATE IT.
I have am amazingly full life I have 7 great kids and a wonderful husband they love me they make me laugh we truly have fun as a family. There is just one important person missing in our family. (William)
I miss him so much and it has gotten worse lately, I don't know if it's this time of year or what.
It just seems like every thing is setting me off and then I start crying. I HATE IT!!! Some days i just wish I had my normal Innocent life back but then reality kicks in and I know that if I did that would mean I would have never known William. That would be a true tragedy..
I just want to hold him again I want to smell his sweet smell and gaze into his eyes once more.
I know I will see him again I just wish it could be now.
I just don't think people understand that when a women looses a child, She doesn't just loose a child she looses much more. She loose part of who she was . Life is no longer the same something inside of you just changes. You can no longer look at the way it was before little things that you use to enjoy are like eating bugs (not enjoyable). The things I use to love hurt . The sound and some times the sight of a newborn no longer brings the joy it once did . I feel like I have to put up a wall so I don't feel feelings of loss and jealousy when I go and visit a friend with a new baby.. So instead of the joy of seeing that sweet spirit I feel like I am walking on egg shells. I Hate It!!!
The worse part is the jealousy of others having what you want. Who wants to be jealous of someone else having a baby. Do you know how that makes some one feel . Well I will tell you it sucks it makes you feel lower than scum....
I don't feel like this all the time... It's just times like this when I am feeling down suck...
So lets all just pray that tomorrow will bring a brighter day!!!
I post pix of all my liveing children so why not post one of William I love this pic of William (Thanks Andie)